Accountability is the obligation to explain, justify and take responsibility for one’s action.
Accountability is a critical aspect of how we culture our family, as it teaches each person to take responsibility for their actions and not to play the blame game; as well as accountability teaches your child to be responsible for their failures and successes.
Accountability is a part of being honest with yourself and others, which in the end will help children to succeed.
It is important that we start teaching our children at an early age; as well as practice these life skills yourselves so they can learn from you. While we make the effort to teach our children to become successful adults, remember we as parents are responsible for teaching our children accountability, and to let them understand that this is a good thing.
According to James Lehman MSW (Empowering Parent.com), “The idea that a kid is responsible for things is not inborn – it doesn’t just happen by itself. It needs to be taught, coached, and learned…Understand that it takes a lot of discipline and maturity for a kid to stay on task when something isn’t fun. It takes practice”.
Another very important aspect of teaching our children to be accountable is school assignments. Without proper supervision most children are reluctant to do assignments, example homework or even reluctant to participate in extra curricular activities.
Parents must find the time and make the effort to ensure that they do these assignments and take part in activities and programs. It is also very important that parents keep in touch with teachers and make sure they keep abreast of their children’s progress.
“Model positive communications with the teachers, and encourage the same from your child. When your child begins making negative statements about their teacher, redirect them to think about things they like about their teacher. Help your child see things from another point of view. This is particularly helpful for students who believe their teacher doesn’t like them.
Do not make excuses for your child. Teach them to own their mistakes.” (Dawn Tedrow, Youth First).
When children are not taught to take responsibility for their actions, they grow up thinking that they never do anything wrong. When they learn to be accountable for their actions, they will understand that mistakes will be made, but it is their responsibility to make amends. It is not to be considered punishment. It is about them learning to make amends for wrong behavior.
“Teaching kids personal accountability means teaching them that mistakes happen, but they are responsible for making amends when these mistakes happen. It means teaching them to right their wrongs, whether or not someone is watching. It means teaching kids that they cannot always control how things work out, but they can make things better or at least avoid making the same mistakes over and over again.
According to (The Center for Parenting Education), parents should also be mindful of overindulgence.
Overindulgence means to spoil or pamper or having too much of something enjoyable.
According to Jean Illsley in her book “How Much is Enough,” there are three basic ways in which parents overindulge their children.
- Giving too many things.
Giving them too many material things or too many activities without the expectation that they will fulfill obligations.
- Doing things for children that they are able to do for themselves.
This results in them not learning skills of everyday living and how to care for themselves.
- Not expecting enough or demanding enough of children. This has to do with parents not requiring their children to meet their obligations or parent’s expectations, or to face the consequences of their actions.
These parents do not hold their children accountable for their behavior, they make excuses for them when they get in trouble.
How to avoid overindulgence:
Set limits.
Say no.
Hold children accountable.
Establish and enforce rules.
Set expectations.
Encourage children to give back in some way.
Assign chores and make sure they get done.
Set and follow through with consequences.
You also need to decide how much you should help. Break down longer chores into smaller ones. Give chores and opportunities to make decisions. Use the language of responsibility.
Rules set standards that we expect our children to meet. They let our children know what we expect from them, and they hold the children accountable for their behavior. To be most effective, rules should be stated clearly and simply.
Here are some tips to teach your children personal accountability.
- Set consequences.
If they don’t live up to the responsibilities or live up to the rules, there will be consequences.
- Make rules/consequences very clear.
- Discuss what they can do.
- Remind or cue your child. Let them know the expectations and what actions they will have to take to be accountable for their actions.
- Be constant. Set expectations and stick to them.
Be observant, be vigilant, be your child’s first teacher.
Works Cited.
Leech, Barbara. How to Teach Your Kids to Value Personal Responsibility Part of Building Character Series. A Fine Parent. https://afineparent.com/building-character/personal-accountability.html
Lehman, James, MSW. Teach Your Children Responsibility – 7 tips to get started. Empowering parents.com. https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/teach-your-child-responsibility-7-tips-to-get-started/
Pelini, Sanya. How to Help Kids Create a Culture of Accountability. Parent Co. (2017). https://www.parent.com/blogs/conversations/how-to-help-kids-create-a-culture-of-personal-accountability
Tedrow, Dawn, LSCW. No Excuses – Holding Kids Accountable for Their Actions. Youth First Blog. (2018). https://youthfirstinc.org/no-excuses-holding-kids-accountable-for-their-actions/
The Center for Parenting Education. Responsibility and Chores: The Benefit of Chores. https://centerforparentingeducation.org/library-of-articles/responsibility-and-chores/part-i-benefits-of-chores/
