As parents we have a responsibility to ensure that our children are cared for to the best of our abilities. That does not mean the bare minimal such as food, clothing and shelter. It means it is our duty to love them, encourage them, teach them the basic life skills that will ensure they become responsible adults.
The most effective way to reach our children is through communication and most importantly the way we communicate with them.
Let’s define communication.
Communication is the two-way process of sending and receiving messages (instructions, information, ideas, thoughts, feelings, etc.) between two or more persons to create a common understanding. Communication can also be verbal or non-verbal.
Verbal communication is the use of words in a spoken form; while non-verbal communication is communicating without the use of spoken or written word e.g. body language, posture, symbols, physical characteristics and appearances, space and sounds.
Children learn and develop skills in the first five years of their lives. Research shows that children’s experiences and relationships that are formed during these years determine how their brain develops. At five years 90% of a child’s brain is already developed. So, our communication skills and the way we interact with them is very crucial to that process.
Today, it is up to parents to ensure that they are giving the right signals to their toddlers by communicating with them not just clearly but effectively.
One parenting ‘trick’ that achieves these goals and is also simple to follow – but not every parent practice – crouching down to your toddler’s level when talking to them.
Even Prince William and wife Kate Middleton have been seen doing it with their three-year-old son, Prince George.
“The reason parents should do this is so that we are speaking to the child at eye level”, says Dr Lim Boon Leng a psychiatrist at Gleneagle Hospital. By looking at them eye to eye we are catching the attention of the toddler, and they are more likely to be able to absorb what is told to them. It is also less intimidating than if the adult is talking down to them.”
“When we go down to their level, we give them our full attention”, explains Swane Khoo, a marriage and family therapist at Family Matters. “The message is, you are coming to me, you are important and I want to listen to you”.
You are being emotionally present with the child, and this action sends a lot of messages to them.
According to the website, Amy Speech & Language Therapy Inc, Interaction on your child’s level is extremely important in expanding your child’s language. However, ‘level’ means two different things. You should try to remain on the same physical level as your child as often as possible, as to increase eye gaze and so your child feels as though they are on your level.
Communicate on your child’s level as well so you are on the same linguistic level as your child.
What you want to do is interact on their communication level and simply expand their linguistic level at little steps as to not overwhelm them.
Being on the same physical level as you can help children feel safer, more in control, and more connected to you. It communicates to them that you are there for them and really paying attention to them.
The Centre for Effective Parenting also adds, children learn how to communicate by watching their parents. If parents communicate openly and effectively, chances are that their child will too. Good communication skills will benefit children for their entire lives.
While Parenting-ed.org concurs that when parents communicate with their children, it is important for them to come down to their children’s level both verbally and physically. Verbally parents should try to use age-appropriate language that their children can easily understand.
Physically parents should not tower over their children when talking or communicating with them. Instead, they should try to come down to their children’s level by lowering themselves either by kneeling sitting or stooping etc. this will make eye contact much easier to maintain and children are much less likely to feel intimidated by parents when they are eye to eye.
Positive Communication with Children also adds that positive communication is an essential part of all healthy relationships. It builds mutual respect, trust, connections, and nurtures your child’s self-esteem. The parent/child relationship is our first place for learning how relationships should be. Therefore, when we set the standard for healthy, positive communication now, children develop skills that will help them build healthy lifelong relationships
Here are the guidelines for positive, respectful communication with children.
Actively listening to your child – Active listening means you listen attentively to your child. Put away distractions.
Get on eye level – If you are towering over a child, it can feel intimidating for them. When a child has something to tell you, get down on eye level if you can. This helps them feel more at ease, which opens-up communication. Being on eye level conveys the message that you are really paying attention and enhances connection.
Empathize – try to see things from the child’s perspective.
Manage your emotions – remain calm and positive and refrain from attacks and saying something you might regret later.
Be assertive – express your feelings, needs and desires effectively, while respecting the rights of others.
Psychology News notes, it is challenging to communicate with toddlers as they are still learning to speak in full sentences, and not forgetting they have a difficulty understanding what the adults are saying to them.
Too often many parents tend to forget that toddlers are not at their level either physically or mentally.
Walking and talking does not mean that they are mature enough to understand and be able to decipher instructions or adult conversations.
It is your responsibility as a parent to be aware of that and respond to them accordingly. Even though they learn a lot during those first five years, be gentle, be patient, try to be alert and aware of their feelings and ensure your response is appropriate in addressing whatever the situation might be.
Remember to come down to your child’s level both physically and verbally.
Works Cited
Evans, Rebbeca, Positive Communication with Children. rebbeca@positive-parenting.org
Psychology News, Talking to your Children at Their Level. (2017).Psychologymatters.Asia. https://www.psychologymatters.asia/psychology_news/4282/talking-to-your-child-at-their-level.html
Sandhu, Balvinder, Crouching Parents, Better Children. Today. (2017). https://www.todayonline.com/lifestyle/family/crouching-parent-better-children
Zolten, Kristen, M.A. Long, Nicholas, Ph. D. When Parents communicate effectively with Their Children, they are Showing Them respect. Department of Pediatrics, University of Arkansas for Medical Science, page 1-3.Parenting-ed.org. https://parenting-ed.org/wp-content/themes/parenting-ed/files/handouts/communication-parent-to-child.pdf
