Dorothy Nolte known for her child-rearing book, “Children learn what they live”.
To quote a few lines from her poem, “If a child lives with praise he learns to appreciate. If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself. If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be confident.”
Children are a gift and the future, so what we teach them and how we react to them will ultimately play a great role in shaping their future.
Raising children takes time, money and energy.
There is no manual as to how to raise your child, but we can learn from our parents and others.
Children are a blessing. We have a responsibility to guide them and take care of them and not expect them to be perfect.
We need to demonstrate unconditional love to them. Choose to see the best in children. They almost always learn from your example.
We need to focus on encouraging and praising our children.
What do we mean by encourage? To encourage is to give support, confidence or help to someone.
What do we mean by praise? To praise is to express warm approval or admiration.
Amid the toils, stress and difficulties that we face, I believe every parent has a duty to ensure that their child get the attention and encouragement necessary to ensure that they make good choices as they grow.
According to Kathy Koch, founder and president of Celebrate Kids, Inc., co-founder of Ignite the Family: A Movement of Awakened Parents, and author of How to Encourage your Kids to get Better Behavior from Them, encourages in Focus on Family, “Parents must explain and demonstrate the right ways of doing things, while also contrasting those actions with the wrong ways. For example, when someone is unkind to you seeking revenge is the wrong way to deal with that situation.
Koch continues to say, “The best motivation strategies and all the stickers in the world won’t increase children’s short or long term motivation if they are legitimately confused or uncertain. They have to know what to do in order to be successful. And parents can be the one to teach them”.
A parent who coaches will talk to his or her child about the various pieces (e.g. clean your room, make your bed, put clothes where they belong, find a place for all toys) and even walk the child through the process.
Koch encourages parents to be a coach, be a cheerleader, be a referee, be a teacher, “As you observe your children, you can ascertain which of these four roles will encourage them in their particular circumstances. As you think about these four roles of encouragement, also consider the tone you use to communicate with them. If you are discouraged or overwhelmed, you may be communicating in demotivating ways-such as criticism, complaining or nagging-without even realizing it. Changing your communication style will encourage your children to want to listen to you.”
It is also very important that you teach your children not to make fun of others, but to be encouragers themselves. Even when they get upset encourage them to be calm and think about the situation before responding. Find out how they feel about the situation and what will they do to improve the situation.
Children are learners. Teach them to listen to other people’s point of view. Help them to learn new things.
Teach children that failing is a part of learning and not to be hard on themselves. Encourage them to try new things. Help them to identify the things that they are good at.
Praise your children for great and small achievements, regardless of their age. Praise will strengthen their self-esteem and allow them to think positively.
Give them your honest opinion. Don’t exaggerate. Be genuine with your praise.
In their weaknesses, encourage them. Don’t criticize them.
Simple words like, “well done!” “Great job!” “You’ll get it next time.” A thumb’s up, a hug, a high five, are just a few great ways in which you can praise your kids.
Every now and again surprise your child with a reward for good behavior or an achievement. In a home with multiple kids you can be assured that the way you communicate with the older ones will be the same way they treat the younger ones.
Never compare your children with anyone. Do not speak curse words to them. Do not tell them things like they are worthless, ugly, will never amount to anything or you wish they were never born. Do not berate them.
Teach your children the value of family. Encourage them to learn their family history and interact with the rest of the family the same way you interact with each other at home. This will strengthen their morale and increase their acceptance of who they are.
Let them have a sense of family, culture and community. (Raising childen.net)
Be determined to always praise and encourage your children.
Raising children is experimental thus there will be times when parents have to also learn how to cope with the task.
As parents you need encouragement also.
Find a support group or other parents that are positive, and not always complaining. Willing to share their experiences, weaknesses and strengths and where you can always encourage each other.
Relax!
Have some “me time!” In whatever way you choose to.
Works Cited
Kathi, Lipp. Hope For When You Feel Discouraged as a Mom. Focus on the Family (May 7, 2018). Retrieved on 5/2021. https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/hope-for-when-you-feel-discouraged-as-a-mom/
Koch, Kathy. How to Encourage Your Kids, to Get Better Behavior. Focus on the Family. Focus on the Family (Feb. 27, 2019). https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/how-to-encourage-your-kids-to-get-better-behavior-from-them/
Lively, Sue. 7 Effective Ways to Encourage Kids. One Time Through. (Mar. 6, 2015). https://onetimethrough.com/7-effective-ways-to-encourage-kids/
Praise, Encouragement and Rewards. Raising Children. Retrieved on 5/2021. https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/connecting-communicating/connecting/praise
Reynolds, Sarah. Encourage your Child to Encourage Others. Kids First Community. (Aug. 28, 2017). Retrieved 5/2021). https://www.kidsfirstcommunity.com/encouraging-child-encourage-others/
